Up, Down, and All Around

At the moment I'm writing this, I'm feeling happy. Really happy. In fact, maybe a bit too happy.

You see, the thing with borderline is that our emotions tend to get amplified quite a bit. So if you're happy, then you can find yourself feeling rather ecstatic. If you're sad, you can get suicidal thoughts. If you're angry, you can throw things at people, etc. It's literally a magnifying glass for emotions.

So why am I feeling so good (yes, it's probably a good idea to ask why)? Well, I got a phone call today from a prospective employer. It would be a considerably short commute- 10 minutes vs. a minimum of 60 to my current job. They said they'd have the store manager call me back in a week or so. Of course, anything could happen, but right now I need to live for the moment.

It's been quite a change since two weeks ago. I had a panic attack at work. I got really stressed, locked myself somewhere secluded, and basically shut down. It was quite scary. When I got home, I cut myself on my legs so no one there would notice (alas, I forgot that it was summer and that I wear shorts, so I went out with Frankenstein's legs).

Now, the interesting thing is that my therapist considers me to be a "higher-functioning" borderline. I'm not sure if I agree or not. Yes, I can keep myself employed. Yes, I'm very careful with my money. But higher-functioning borderlines usually won't admit that there's a problem. And I damn well know that isn't the case with me. They also don't really cut. But I'm not exactly a lower-functioning borderline either (as I said, I can work and save money). So where does that leave me? Mid-functioning? Maybe. I can't handle the stress of retail management, but I can keep myself employed as an associate and get good performance reviews too. I also cut. I know there can be some overlap between higher and lower functioning, but me, I really seem to be on the borderline.